What you say to yourself matters.

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What you say to yourself matters and it makes sense to be aware of the impact.

Most of us have that voice in our head that has a running commentary on everything that happens in our daily life.

It helps us make choices on what to do, where to go, what we like, what we don’t – it has an opinion on just about everything.

You probably talk to yourself more than anyone else in your life. So, what you say to yourself really matters.

WHAT’S YOUR SELF TALK?

So how do you talk to yourself? Are you kind? Are you mean? Would you talk to someone else that way?

If you’re like me, when I really looked at what I said to myself I found I was quite critical and would never speak to someone I cared about like that. It was confronting to realise I spoke like that to myself.

Luckily, I stumbled across Marisa Peer on youtube, she wrote a book called I am Enough – which I highly recommend by the way. In it she looks at how the way we talk to yourself shapes so much of your life.

Marisa has a website which is here if you want to check it out. I am not affiliated with her I just think the content is too good not to share.

The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.                  

Shad Helmstetter

SO HOW DO YOU CHANGE YOUR SELF TALK?

 

I am not a therapist or have any kind of qualification so all I can share is my experience. What I have found is I that I can change the way I speak to myself.  And in doing so  change the way I behave.

The first step is to get present to your self-talk. Listen for signs of negativity in what you say to yourself. Write it in a journal if it helps.

Once you are clear on your negative self-talk it’s much easier to catch yourself when you notice it happening.

So next time you find yourself being critical, stop. Give yourself some positive self-talk and whatever you think you can’t do, you can, you just need to figure it out.

It takes some practice but after a while you can start to eliminate all the negative self-talk. It’s not the same as telling yourself you are the best all the time and that everything is perfect, just that you are you and that’s ok.

I highly recommend you complete Marisa Peer’s free confidence training.

Jim Kwik, a performance coach who specializes in speed reading and memory has some great tips on ending negative self-talk.

These tips on eliminating self-talk are great. They have really helped me and they may also be helpful to you.

So you want to be fearless?

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Written by Pam

 I hear the term ‘fearless’ and I wonder. What does being ‘fearless’ look like?

Is it climbing mountains or jumping off buildings?

To me fearless as something to aspire to, is so much more than that.

F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.                 

Zig Ziglar

First, let’s acknowledge that fear is important, it keeps us safe from danger. Without fear humans would probably not have survived as a species. So, I am not suggesting that we would be better off without fear. What I am suggesting is we acknowledge we are afraid and fear-less.

 

What is it to be fearless?

Well, to me, it’s not necessarily bungee jumping or extreme sport.

When I think of fearless, I think of people who have taken on something that they were afraid of, whether that be a new business, a relationship or yes even a mountain climb. People that pushed through fear of something unknown and did it anyway.

How does fear hold you back?

Sometimes we don’t even recognise fear is holding us back. We are just busy being and not really looking at what is driving our decision process.

Fear of missing out

This is at an all time high, which has a lot to do with how connected we all are on social media. It is too easy to compare your everyday life to someone’s insta account and think that you are missing out on something. The reality is probably not what it looks like.

The problem arises when we make decisions based on what we think we are missing out on. Going places and doing things because everyone else is and not connecting with what we really resonate with.

 

Fear of failure

We miss opportunities when we are so afraid of failure that we won’t take a risk on something new. When we let that little voice inside talk us out of something that really got us excited. And, unless you are living a life you have always wanted, this is a risk in itself.

Your comfort zone has got you to where you are now. So, unless you want to stay there you may have to take a risk and do something new. And while, no one really likes to fail, if we never fail, we miss out on the opportunity for growth that failure brings.

 Fear of what other people think

We all need connection with others, it’s part of being human. We all want great relationships with people who think well of us. But sometimes we can let the perceived opinion of other’s decide what we should or shouldn’t do. And studies have shown that we are over-estimating how harshly others judge us. 

One of the best ways to get over this fear is to be considerate of others and do what makes you happy. If you think that someone does judge you, you will know your intentions were good.

 

 

It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.

Eckhart Tolle

Fear-less

We all feel fear, it’s a natural part of life, the trick is to not let fear rule our life.

I know that sounds simple but like most of the great ideas, it really is. It just means acknowledging your fear and doing it anyway. Making that call to the cute guy you met, asking your boss for a pay rise all the time knowing you might not get the answer you want. And yes, I know, that is going to take something but while I said it was simple I never said it would be easy!

And really it doesn’t have to be something big, start with something small. Say Hi to a stranger if you struggle with confidence around people or if public speaking makes you fearful start by presenting to a mirror.

Try to not dwell on what could go wrong, try to change the fear into excitement for what could be possible.

Becoming fearless is a process, it takes time. Don’t rush, take it bit by bit, build that fearless ‘muscle’. Who knows what possibilities await outside your comfort zone?

 

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7 Characteristics of Great Leadership

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Written by Pam

What makes a great leader?

Why is it that some people inspire others?

We all have people in our lives that seem to be able to create an environment of cooperation and success.

People that we love to follow no matter where they might lead.

Then there are those that we just don’t feel so comfortable with,  that just do not inspire us to do anything!

Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things                 

Peter Drucker

WHAT IS LEADERSHIP?

So, what exactly is leadership? Firstly, it shouldn’t be confused with management. Management is positional and usually gained by appointment. Leadership is not positional and comes from the character of a person rather than a credential or a title.

Great leaders may have a management role, but leadership shows up long before any kind of appointment.

beacauseSo, what makes a great leader?

Leaders:

  1. First lead themselves
  2. Are Forever learning
  3. Show integrity
  4. Initiate – choose action over reaction
  5. Value people
  6. Develop and Empower Others
  7. Inspire followers

What does it mean to lead yourself first?

It means to do what is expected and to be the first to do what needs to be done because it is what needs to be done. Not because someone said to do it, or because someone else took the action first.

Leading yourself means never expecting others to do something you would not do yourself.

Leaders are forever learning…

A true leader knows that whatever knowledge they have there is always more to know, and reading is a great way to expand knowledge.

Some of the most successful people take time out of their busy schedule to read. Bill Gates is reported to read 50 books a year and Tony Robbins  attributes his learning through reading to overcoming his difficult childhood.

A great mentor can also be invaluable. Someone who has been where you are and is now where you want to be and is willing to share their experience with you.

Initiate

You only have control of how you react, not what others do. A great leader chooses to act in a situation and not let the situation or person affect their action. Staying calm in a crisis, coming up with outside the box solutions and having the courage to take risks are all ways in which leaders initiate action.

Integrity

When you think of a great leader, who do you think of? Nelson Mandela perhaps or Oprah  or someone else? One thing that is certain, whoever they are, they will have integrity.

Integrity is defined as ‘adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.’ It’s doing the right thing even when no one is watching. Taking the focus off yourself and placing it on others for the greater good.

Great leaders put others first and in doing so create an environment of trust.

Value people

We all want to feel appreciated and in today’s busy world sometimes this can be hard to find. By taking the time to give someone honest appreciation and really noticing the value they bring a true leader brings out the best in those around them.

By letting people know that that their contribution is valued and taking their concerns into account, great leaders inspire others to follow.

 

 

 

A life is not important except for its impact on other lives.

Jackie Robinson

Inspire others

To be a great leader is to inspire others to do something they wouldn’t have done on their own.

By building relationships with others and having them see your leadership attributes you can create a following. A community of like-minded people who share your goals and see your commitment to reaching them.

 

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