Most of us have a voice in our head. You know the one, it chatters incessantly and seems to have an opinion on just about everything you do.

What you should do, what you shouldn’t, what you look like, how you compare, the list goes on, and it’s very hard to turn off.

Given you probably listen to that voice more than any other, it really does matter what it says.

WHAT’S YOUR SELF-TALK?

Think about the way you talk to yourself. Are you kind? Are you harsh? Would you talk to a friend that way?

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably pretty hard on yourself and it’s unlikely you would talk to someone else that way.

Now I am not a psychologist, just a curious person, and I can’t help you analyse how this self-talk became the default. I am sure you have experiences in the past you can put it down to.

I do believe, however, that we can all change and grow and learn to be kinder to ourselves.

change the way you talk to yourself

For me, I first had to notice it happening. It was so unconscious. I sometimes found myself berating myself over a mistake I had made or being critical of something I had said. I began to purposely ‘listen’ to that voice in my head and really take note of what it was saying.

Writing it down in a journal can help. Even notes on your phone. You will see patterns and triggers and it can really help you get some clarity.

Once you are clear on your negative self-talk it’s much easier to catch yourself when it happens.

The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.                  

Shad Helmstetter

be kind to yourself

If you feel you could be kinder to yourself, why not take some time to notice your self-talk. Imagine what you would say to a friend, speak with kindness, give yourself the grace to make a mistake.

Focus on what you are saying to yourself. Focus on being kind.

Over time, that voice in your head should sound like a friend. It will take time and conscious awareness but I know from experience; small changes can really make a difference to your quality of life.

Imagine having a friend in your mind, someone to encourage and understand, someone to give you the confidence to you achieve your goals. 

Start small, focus on improving your self-talk and bit by bit let your inner voice become a place of encouragement rather than criticism.

Let your inner voice become a place you feel supported, not judged, that’s where real change will begin.