Understanding the power of body language.

by

 

We’ve all done it, well I know I have, walked into a room full of strangers and known who to approach and who to steer away from. But how?

Without realizing it was probably by reading the body language

Let’s say it’s a party and you only know the host. You walk in scan the room, not a familiar face in sight. Who do you approach? And why?

You probably looked for a smile or a gesture that said welcome. No words were exchanged but you just knew they were ‘safe’ to talk to, that they were friendly. All that information without a word being exchanged.

HOW IMPORTANT IS BODY LANGUAGE

We probably rely on non-verbal cues more than we realise.

It has been estimated that up to 65%  of all information received about a situation is non- verbal so knowing how to read body language is really important.

Some body language is easy to interpret while some is so subtle that you need to really take notice.

For example, most people know the ‘look’ from their Mother that means don’t mess with me. Well, I know my sons do!

Sometimes you may have no idea that someone disagrees until after the conversation has ended and they do exactly the opposite to what was discussed.

When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

HOW TO LEARN BODY LANGUAGE

There are a lot of books and resources out there to learn about body language. But a great way to start is by observing people.

One of my favourite things to do is people watch, I love to make up stories about who they are and where they might be going, but that’s a blog for another day!

Seriously, though, watching how people interact when you can’t hear what they are saying is a great way to study body language.

Do they look interested in each other, are they looking into each other’s eyes, what do their hand gestures look like? All of these will help you start to really see the non-verbal communication.

OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE

Next time you are speaking to someone watch what they do. Are they turned to you? Are they making eye contact? Do you feel comfortable?

The more you practice the better you will get at reading what they actually mean not just what they are saying.

GET BETTER AT READING BODY LANGUAGE

We know that body language is important in communication and we all want to be better at communication.

By studying body language you can learn how to improve your own non-verbal communication. You can become that person that looks more approachable and friendly and can put people at ease.

It will improve all areas of your life from romantic relationships to your relationships with co-workers.

And, it’s not about becoming someone else or not being authentic it’s about being mindful of how you impact those around you.

UNDERSTANDING BODY LANGUAGE

So what are some of the non-verbal ways you communicate?

Eye contact

Eye contact can be seen to show honesty and trust worthiness. But not too much or too intense or you may look scary.

Gestures

Movements such as nodding your head, mirroring the other person and having an open posture and hand movements puts others at ease.

Proximity

Maintain a comfortable distance. No-one likes to be crowded. Be mindful that all cultures are different so take your cue from the other person if you are unsure.

Mirroring

Matching your posture to the other person. Using similar gestures and tone of voice can help put another person at ease.

Tone of voice

Vary your tone to keep the other person interested. If your message is likely to be hard for the other person to hear use a softer tone so it easier for them to accept.

Facial expression

Don’t forget to smile. Sounds simple but so easy to miss, especially when you are really concentrating. It’s great to look interested just remember to show your enjoyment.

Appearance 

How you dress, your hair, your accessories all convey a message. Be aware of the choices you make and how they make you appear. Are they congruent with how you see yourself? 

WATCH FOR EMOTION

Words are important and we should be listening to what someone is saying. However, the way in which those words are being spoken can totally change the meaning.

What tone is being used? What is their posture? If you ask someone how they are feeling and they slump their shoulders and mumble ‘fine’ in a sad voice – they probably aren’t fine at all.

Intangible expression can convey emotion much better than what is being expressed in the words.

 

PRACTICE YOUR MOVES

Of course, we all have certain ways of moving and speaking that are personal to us, for example I speak with my hands – a lot! However, it’s a good idea to be aware of how you appear to others.

It might feel a bit strange but standing in front of the mirror and having a conversation with yourself is a great way to ‘check yourself’ You may find your face is doing something you’re unaware of.

An ex-colleague of mine would unconsciously roll her eyes when someone said something she didn’t agree with. She was totally unaware and didn’t realise the impact it was having on co-workers. Needless to say she became much more popular once she realized what she was doing and put a stop to it.

So take notice of your body language and make sure it is conveying the right message, it could make all the difference.

What is your why?

by

Written by Pam

What is your why? Have you every wondered why you are here? Why you are, right now, doing what you do?

For many of us, myself included, our present circumstances were created by choices made in our youth.

Influenced by school, family, society. We started down a path and just kept going!

The act of living takes so much of our day that we rarely have the time to really connect with our ‘why’.

This doesn’t mean we are unhappy, or dislike our life, but how much better would it be if you were living a purposeful life.

“Regardless of WHAT we do in our lives, our WHY—our driving purpose, cause or belief—never changes.”                 

Simon Sinek

Is it important to connect with your why?

 

Everyone is an individual a unique being, and what makes one person happy is not necessarily going to make you happy.

Finding your why is really connecting to your deepest values, those things that really make you feel alive.

Those things in your life that are of the most importance which most of us will find are rarely materialistic.

 

Simon Sinek on the impact of your why.

HOW TO FIND YOUR WHY

Simon states in the video finding his why helped him feel calm and increased his confidence. Sounds great. But how do you discover your why?

As mentioned it is easy to get busy with life and lose sight of what is important to you. To find your why and create a sense of purpose will take some time. It’s a new way of thinking and like anything it takes time to master new skills.

Look at the people around you. Who do you gravitate toward? Who makes you happier and why? Listen to what people around you say about you. How have your actions positively impacted others?

Ask yourself questions. Why do you do the things you do? Are you really organised? Do you love helping people? Are you a great communicator? This will help you build up picture of what really makes you feel alive.

Writing in a daily journal can be really helpful. It helps to clarify thoughts and after a while common themes reveal themselves. 

I found a helpful article here that has 19 journal prompting questions to help you connect with your purpose. 

LIVING WITH PURPOSE

Once you have connected with what’s important to you. You start making more choices that align with your true self.

You just feel happier.

John Templeton Foundation’s study on the Psychology of Purpose found  that living with purpose has psychological, physical and academic benefits.

People living with purpose are less likely to suffer depression or anxiety and according to the study “are also more likely to report high levels of life satisfaction”.

 

People living with purpose think about their situation differently. It doesn’t mean they have huge financial wealth or are engaged in a job that gives them purpose.

It also doesn’t have to mean changing a job or totally reorganising how you live.

The Templeton study states “Studies of purpose and meaning at work suggest that how people approach their work may be more important than the actual tasks they perform”

So it’s about how you approach what you do and where you are in life. If you look at the contribution you make to other’s regardless of the monetary or status you hold, your sense of purpose is increased.

Sometimes we do things not because we really enjoy them but because it aligns with our why and gives us a sense of purpose. For example you may not always enjoy getting up early to take your children to sports training however creating a loving and supportive family life for your children aligns with your purpose. So you’re happy to do it.

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE

If living with purpose creates a better quality of life, including better mental and physical health. It may be the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

And not only will it make you feel better it will also positively affect those around you. Imagine waking up every day knowing you are living your purpose, imagine how much joy you will create in the world.

If we all positively impacted one person everyday imagine the ripple effect.

Finding your why and living with purpose is going to take something to create. It’s going to mean really looking deep inside yourself to truly find your purpose. But it will also result in a deep sense of happiness and belonging. And who wouldn’t want that?

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive, then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” 

Howard Thurmon

Related Articles

What is your why?

by | Mar 4, 2020 | , ,

What is your why? Have you every wondered why you are here? Why you are, right now, doing what you do? For many of us, myself included, our present circumstances were created by choices made in our youth. Influenced by school, family, society. We started down a path...

read more