Understanding the power of body language.

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We’ve all done it, well I know I have, walked into a room full of strangers and known who to approach and who to steer away from. But how?

Without realizing it was probably by reading the body language

Let’s say it’s a party and you only know the host. You walk in scan the room, not a familiar face in sight. Who do you approach? And why?

You probably looked for a smile or a gesture that said welcome. No words were exchanged but you just knew they were ‘safe’ to talk to, that they were friendly. All that information without a word being exchanged.

HOW IMPORTANT IS BODY LANGUAGE

We probably rely on non-verbal cues more than we realise.

It has been estimated that up to 65%  of all information received about a situation is non- verbal so knowing how to read body language is really important.

Some body language is easy to interpret while some is so subtle that you need to really take notice.

For example, most people know the ‘look’ from their Mother that means don’t mess with me. Well, I know my sons do!

Sometimes you may have no idea that someone disagrees until after the conversation has ended and they do exactly the opposite to what was discussed.

When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

HOW TO LEARN BODY LANGUAGE

There are a lot of books and resources out there to learn about body language. But a great way to start is by observing people.

One of my favourite things to do is people watch, I love to make up stories about who they are and where they might be going, but that’s a blog for another day!

Seriously, though, watching how people interact when you can’t hear what they are saying is a great way to study body language.

Do they look interested in each other, are they looking into each other’s eyes, what do their hand gestures look like? All of these will help you start to really see the non-verbal communication.

OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE

Next time you are speaking to someone watch what they do. Are they turned to you? Are they making eye contact? Do you feel comfortable?

The more you practice the better you will get at reading what they actually mean not just what they are saying.

GET BETTER AT READING BODY LANGUAGE

We know that body language is important in communication and we all want to be better at communication.

By studying body language you can learn how to improve your own non-verbal communication. You can become that person that looks more approachable and friendly and can put people at ease.

It will improve all areas of your life from romantic relationships to your relationships with co-workers.

And, it’s not about becoming someone else or not being authentic it’s about being mindful of how you impact those around you.

UNDERSTANDING BODY LANGUAGE

So what are some of the non-verbal ways you communicate?

Eye contact

Eye contact can be seen to show honesty and trust worthiness. But not too much or too intense or you may look scary.

Gestures

Movements such as nodding your head, mirroring the other person and having an open posture and hand movements puts others at ease.

Proximity

Maintain a comfortable distance. No-one likes to be crowded. Be mindful that all cultures are different so take your cue from the other person if you are unsure.

Mirroring

Matching your posture to the other person. Using similar gestures and tone of voice can help put another person at ease.

Tone of voice

Vary your tone to keep the other person interested. If your message is likely to be hard for the other person to hear use a softer tone so it easier for them to accept.

Facial expression

Don’t forget to smile. Sounds simple but so easy to miss, especially when you are really concentrating. It’s great to look interested just remember to show your enjoyment.

Appearance 

How you dress, your hair, your accessories all convey a message. Be aware of the choices you make and how they make you appear. Are they congruent with how you see yourself? 

WATCH FOR EMOTION

Words are important and we should be listening to what someone is saying. However, the way in which those words are being spoken can totally change the meaning.

What tone is being used? What is their posture? If you ask someone how they are feeling and they slump their shoulders and mumble ‘fine’ in a sad voice – they probably aren’t fine at all.

Intangible expression can convey emotion much better than what is being expressed in the words.

 

PRACTICE YOUR MOVES

Of course, we all have certain ways of moving and speaking that are personal to us, for example I speak with my hands – a lot! However, it’s a good idea to be aware of how you appear to others.

It might feel a bit strange but standing in front of the mirror and having a conversation with yourself is a great way to ‘check yourself’ You may find your face is doing something you’re unaware of.

An ex-colleague of mine would unconsciously roll her eyes when someone said something she didn’t agree with. She was totally unaware and didn’t realise the impact it was having on co-workers. Needless to say she became much more popular once she realized what she was doing and put a stop to it.

So take notice of your body language and make sure it is conveying the right message, it could make all the difference.

Don’t we all just want to be happy?

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We all just want to be happy, don’t we? To feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of every day and wake up with enthusiasm for the day that is about to unfold.

How many of us though, can truly say we are happy?

There is so much negativity in the world, wars, tragedies, we can feel overwhelmed. It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s going on around you, sometimes you just might need to slow down and breathe.

focus on being happy

One thing I know we can’t control what’s happening around us and we can control how we respond. 

I believe that what yuo focus on is what you get. So choose to be happy.

I am not saying you ignore the world around you but choose where you can affect change and focus on those areas of your life. Worrying about things that you cannot do anything about does not help anyone.

SELF CARE

What would happen if you chose to look after yourself first? A bit like the safety talk on an aeroplane – put YOUR oxygen mask on first. Not only will you be happier, but you will be surprised at the positive affect you have on those around you.

Put aside some time to do activities that give you pleasure. It could be as simple as relaxing with a good book, having a massage or starting a hobby you’ve always wanted to try.

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.

Robert Morley

HEALTH

Focus on your health which may be a affecting your mood. Do you take time look after yourself? Are you present to your overall health? Make yourself the priority, after all you can’t be there for others if you are not taken care of yourself.

So next time you find yourself being critical, stop. Give yourself some positive self-talk and whatever you think you can’t do, you can, you just need to figure it out.

It takes some practice but after a while you can start to eliminate all the negative self-talk. It’s not the same as telling yourself you are the best all the time and that everything is perfect, just that you are you and that’s ok.

A major contributor to mood can be gut health.  Look at your food. Could you eat a little healthier? Cut out some sugar, eat more fresh vegetables? A food diary is a great way to work out your starting point, it also helps you keep on track when you start making changes.

Get out and move your body, exercise has so many benefits. Depending on your fitness level it could be going to a gym or taking a gentle walk. The bonus with exercise is it’s also great for your mental health.

Make sure you get enough rest. Sleep is so good for you it can boost your immune system, improve your mood and your memory and may even help you lose weight!

 

 

 

MINDSET

You are as happy as you tell yourself you are. Getting your mindset right will have a huge impact on your happiness so why not focus on learning ways to improve it.

A gratitude journal is a great place to start. It has been shown to have positive benefits for many areas of life such as relationships, health, career and general well-being.

RELATIONSHIPS

Humans are happiest when they feel connected, so it makes sense to nurture your relationships. Take the time to spend quality time with the people you care about. You will feel happier and so will they.

You don’t necessarily need a romantic relationship to feel connected. Relationships with friends and family can be just as fulfilling.

SPREAD JOY

If we all just want to be happy, doesn’t it make sense to spread the happiness. Smile at strangers, compliment people, be kind.

It may seem like a simple thing but sometimes a smile can make the difference to someone’s day. And not only that but the act of smiling has been shown to release endorphins that can make you feel happier.

 

pLAN, Plan, Plan

 

The old saying if you fail to plan you plan to fail can also influence your happiness. Having clear goals and a plan of how to get there takes a lot of the uncertainty out of life. And its also part of the fun. Think of the last time you went on holiday or had a party. The planning part was a great opportunity to start enjoying the event. Imagining the fun, you were going to have the experiences you would enjoy.

So why not start that type of planning around your future. Where are you headed and how are you going to get there? What are your financial goals? Relationship goals? Career goals? Knowing that you have a plan to achieve them is likely going to help you feel happier.

Choose to be happy

 

It’s easy to blame your happiness on outside forces. I know I have in the past. The economy, the political landscape, your friends or family. However, you are in control of your own happiness. You get to choose whether to be happy or not.

I am not suggesting that you are never affected by events in your life – life is always going to happen. You just choose not to let it stop you finding the joy in the world. You have the power within you if you are prepared to take responsibility for your own happiness.

What you say to yourself matters.

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What you say to yourself matters and it makes sense to be aware of the impact.

Most of us have that voice in our head that has a running commentary on everything that happens in our daily life.

It helps us make choices on what to do, where to go, what we like, what we don’t – it has an opinion on just about everything.

You probably talk to yourself more than anyone else in your life. So, what you say to yourself really matters.

WHAT’S YOUR SELF TALK?

So how do you talk to yourself? Are you kind? Are you mean? Would you talk to someone else that way?

If you’re like me, when I really looked at what I said to myself I found I was quite critical and would never speak to someone I cared about like that. It was confronting to realise I spoke like that to myself.

Luckily, I stumbled across Marisa Peer on youtube, she wrote a book called I am Enough – which I highly recommend by the way. In it she looks at how the way we talk to yourself shapes so much of your life.

Marisa has a website which is here if you want to check it out. I am not affiliated with her I just think the content is too good not to share.

The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.                  

Shad Helmstetter

SO HOW DO YOU CHANGE YOUR SELF TALK?

 

I am not a therapist or have any kind of qualification so all I can share is my experience. What I have found is I that I can change the way I speak to myself.  And in doing so  change the way I behave.

The first step is to get present to your self-talk. Listen for signs of negativity in what you say to yourself. Write it in a journal if it helps.

Once you are clear on your negative self-talk it’s much easier to catch yourself when you notice it happening.

So next time you find yourself being critical, stop. Give yourself some positive self-talk and whatever you think you can’t do, you can, you just need to figure it out.

It takes some practice but after a while you can start to eliminate all the negative self-talk. It’s not the same as telling yourself you are the best all the time and that everything is perfect, just that you are you and that’s ok.

I highly recommend you complete Marisa Peer’s free confidence training.

Jim Kwik, a performance coach who specializes in speed reading and memory has some great tips on ending negative self-talk.

These tips on eliminating self-talk are great. They have really helped me and they may also be helpful to you.

So you want to be fearless?

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Written by Pam

 I hear the term ‘fearless’ and I wonder. What does being ‘fearless’ look like?

Is it climbing mountains or jumping off buildings?

To me fearless as something to aspire to, is so much more than that.

F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.                 

Zig Ziglar

First, let’s acknowledge that fear is important, it keeps us safe from danger. Without fear humans would probably not have survived as a species. So, I am not suggesting that we would be better off without fear. What I am suggesting is we acknowledge we are afraid and fear-less.

 

What is it to be fearless?

Well, to me, it’s not necessarily bungee jumping or extreme sport.

When I think of fearless, I think of people who have taken on something that they were afraid of, whether that be a new business, a relationship or yes even a mountain climb. People that pushed through fear of something unknown and did it anyway.

How does fear hold you back?

Sometimes we don’t even recognise fear is holding us back. We are just busy being and not really looking at what is driving our decision process.

Fear of missing out

This is at an all time high, which has a lot to do with how connected we all are on social media. It is too easy to compare your everyday life to someone’s insta account and think that you are missing out on something. The reality is probably not what it looks like.

The problem arises when we make decisions based on what we think we are missing out on. Going places and doing things because everyone else is and not connecting with what we really resonate with.

 

Fear of failure

We miss opportunities when we are so afraid of failure that we won’t take a risk on something new. When we let that little voice inside talk us out of something that really got us excited. And, unless you are living a life you have always wanted, this is a risk in itself.

Your comfort zone has got you to where you are now. So, unless you want to stay there you may have to take a risk and do something new. And while, no one really likes to fail, if we never fail, we miss out on the opportunity for growth that failure brings.

 Fear of what other people think

We all need connection with others, it’s part of being human. We all want great relationships with people who think well of us. But sometimes we can let the perceived opinion of other’s decide what we should or shouldn’t do. And studies have shown that we are over-estimating how harshly others judge us. 

One of the best ways to get over this fear is to be considerate of others and do what makes you happy. If you think that someone does judge you, you will know your intentions were good.

 

 

It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.

Eckhart Tolle

Fear-less

We all feel fear, it’s a natural part of life, the trick is to not let fear rule our life.

I know that sounds simple but like most of the great ideas, it really is. It just means acknowledging your fear and doing it anyway. Making that call to the cute guy you met, asking your boss for a pay rise all the time knowing you might not get the answer you want. And yes, I know, that is going to take something but while I said it was simple I never said it would be easy!

And really it doesn’t have to be something big, start with something small. Say Hi to a stranger if you struggle with confidence around people or if public speaking makes you fearful start by presenting to a mirror.

Try to not dwell on what could go wrong, try to change the fear into excitement for what could be possible.

Becoming fearless is a process, it takes time. Don’t rush, take it bit by bit, build that fearless ‘muscle’. Who knows what possibilities await outside your comfort zone?

 

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7 Characteristics of Great Leadership

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Written by Pam

What makes a great leader?

Why is it that some people inspire others?

We all have people in our lives that seem to be able to create an environment of cooperation and success.

People that we love to follow no matter where they might lead.

Then there are those that we just don’t feel so comfortable with,  that just do not inspire us to do anything!

Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things                 

Peter Drucker

WHAT IS LEADERSHIP?

So, what exactly is leadership? Firstly, it shouldn’t be confused with management. Management is positional and usually gained by appointment. Leadership is not positional and comes from the character of a person rather than a credential or a title.

Great leaders may have a management role, but leadership shows up long before any kind of appointment.

beacauseSo, what makes a great leader?

Leaders:

  1. First lead themselves
  2. Are Forever learning
  3. Show integrity
  4. Initiate – choose action over reaction
  5. Value people
  6. Develop and Empower Others
  7. Inspire followers

What does it mean to lead yourself first?

It means to do what is expected and to be the first to do what needs to be done because it is what needs to be done. Not because someone said to do it, or because someone else took the action first.

Leading yourself means never expecting others to do something you would not do yourself.

Leaders are forever learning…

A true leader knows that whatever knowledge they have there is always more to know, and reading is a great way to expand knowledge.

Some of the most successful people take time out of their busy schedule to read. Bill Gates is reported to read 50 books a year and Tony Robbins  attributes his learning through reading to overcoming his difficult childhood.

A great mentor can also be invaluable. Someone who has been where you are and is now where you want to be and is willing to share their experience with you.

Initiate

You only have control of how you react, not what others do. A great leader chooses to act in a situation and not let the situation or person affect their action. Staying calm in a crisis, coming up with outside the box solutions and having the courage to take risks are all ways in which leaders initiate action.

Integrity

When you think of a great leader, who do you think of? Nelson Mandela perhaps or Oprah  or someone else? One thing that is certain, whoever they are, they will have integrity.

Integrity is defined as ‘adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.’ It’s doing the right thing even when no one is watching. Taking the focus off yourself and placing it on others for the greater good.

Great leaders put others first and in doing so create an environment of trust.

Value people

We all want to feel appreciated and in today’s busy world sometimes this can be hard to find. By taking the time to give someone honest appreciation and really noticing the value they bring a true leader brings out the best in those around them.

By letting people know that that their contribution is valued and taking their concerns into account, great leaders inspire others to follow.

 

 

 

A life is not important except for its impact on other lives.

Jackie Robinson

Inspire others

To be a great leader is to inspire others to do something they wouldn’t have done on their own.

By building relationships with others and having them see your leadership attributes you can create a following. A community of like-minded people who share your goals and see your commitment to reaching them.

 

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