Understanding the power of body language.
We’ve all done it, well I know I have, walked into a room full of strangers and known who to approach and who to steer away from. But how?
Without realizing it was probably by reading the body language
Let’s say it’s a party and you only know the host. You walk in scan the room, not a familiar face in sight. Who do you approach? And why?
You probably looked for a smile or a gesture that said welcome. No words were exchanged but you just knew they were ‘safe’ to talk to, that they were friendly. All that information without a word being exchanged.
HOW IMPORTANT IS BODY LANGUAGE
We probably rely on non-verbal cues more than we realise.
It has been estimated that up to 65% of all information received about a situation is non- verbal so knowing how to read body language is really important.
Some body language is easy to interpret while some is so subtle that you need to really take notice.
For example, most people know the ‘look’ from their Mother that means don’t mess with me. Well, I know my sons do!
Sometimes you may have no idea that someone disagrees until after the conversation has ended and they do exactly the opposite to what was discussed.
When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
HOW TO LEARN BODY LANGUAGE
There are a lot of books and resources out there to learn about body language. But a great way to start is by observing people.
One of my favourite things to do is people watch, I love to make up stories about who they are and where they might be going, but that’s a blog for another day!
Seriously, though, watching how people interact when you can’t hear what they are saying is a great way to study body language.
Do they look interested in each other, are they looking into each other’s eyes, what do their hand gestures look like? All of these will help you start to really see the non-verbal communication.
OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE
Next time you are speaking to someone watch what they do. Are they turned to you? Are they making eye contact? Do you feel comfortable?
The more you practice the better you will get at reading what they actually mean not just what they are saying.
GET BETTER AT READING BODY LANGUAGE
We know that body language is important in communication and we all want to be better at communication.
By studying body language you can learn how to improve your own non-verbal communication. You can become that person that looks more approachable and friendly and can put people at ease.
It will improve all areas of your life from romantic relationships to your relationships with co-workers.
And, it’s not about becoming someone else or not being authentic it’s about being mindful of how you impact those around you.
UNDERSTANDING BODY LANGUAGE
So what are some of the non-verbal ways you communicate?
Eye contact
Eye contact can be seen to show honesty and trust worthiness. But not too much or too intense or you may look scary.
Gestures
Movements such as nodding your head, mirroring the other person and having an open posture and hand movements puts others at ease.
Proximity
Maintain a comfortable distance. No-one likes to be crowded. Be mindful that all cultures are different so take your cue from the other person if you are unsure.
Mirroring
Matching your posture to the other person. Using similar gestures and tone of voice can help put another person at ease.
Tone of voice
Vary your tone to keep the other person interested. If your message is likely to be hard for the other person to hear use a softer tone so it easier for them to accept.
Facial expression
Don’t forget to smile. Sounds simple but so easy to miss, especially when you are really concentrating. It’s great to look interested just remember to show your enjoyment.
Appearance
How you dress, your hair, your accessories all convey a message. Be aware of the choices you make and how they make you appear. Are they congruent with how you see yourself?
WATCH FOR EMOTION
Words are important and we should be listening to what someone is saying. However, the way in which those words are being spoken can totally change the meaning.
What tone is being used? What is their posture? If you ask someone how they are feeling and they slump their shoulders and mumble ‘fine’ in a sad voice – they probably aren’t fine at all.
Intangible expression can convey emotion much better than what is being expressed in the words.
PRACTICE YOUR MOVES
Of course, we all have certain ways of moving and speaking that are personal to us, for example I speak with my hands – a lot! However, it’s a good idea to be aware of how you appear to others.
It might feel a bit strange but standing in front of the mirror and having a conversation with yourself is a great way to ‘check yourself’ You may find your face is doing something you’re unaware of.
An ex-colleague of mine would unconsciously roll her eyes when someone said something she didn’t agree with. She was totally unaware and didn’t realise the impact it was having on co-workers. Needless to say she became much more popular once she realized what she was doing and put a stop to it.
So take notice of your body language and make sure it is conveying the right message, it could make all the difference.